Between A Rock And A Hard Place

2011-10-25T22:52:00.002-05:00

An Open Letter to Virgil Thompson, Vice President of Programming, Cox Media Group, San Antonio, Texas25 October 2011Dear Mr. Thompson:Today's abrupt dismissal of John Lisle and Steve Hahn, "key members of the KISS air staff" to use your own words, is at best a disservice to both those personalities; and, at worst, a gross betrayal of everything the once-proud "100,000 Watt Blowtorch of South

2011-08-16T11:15:00.004-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 16 August 2K11 One last song for Beth... White kitchen walls with a thousand windows You turn on Winston in the den And I'm still asleep but I can hear the piano When you make breakfast after ten I smell the coffee on your fingers I still smell the perfume in the bed The crushed linen roses are on everything And you're still inside my head (get out!) You

2010-08-24T12:47:00.004-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 24 August 2K10Well, what I thought was over really wasn't. Thanks, Beth.A lovestruck Romeo sings the streets a serenadeLaying everybody low with a love song that he madeFinds a streetlight, steps out of the shadeSays something like "You and me, babe, how about it?"Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"He's underneath the window,

2010-06-22T22:59:00.002-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 22 June 2K10 (Part the First)Heard the H-word mentioned when talking about my Grandma and I promised my Mom I'd make this song a SotITP. Well, here it is.Grandma burned the biscuitsNearly took the house down with itNow she's in assisted livingWe all knew that day would comeWe knew she was too gone to driveThe day she parked on I-65Found her on the shoulder

2010-05-06T14:03:00.004-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 06 May 2K10You've read the Harry Potter books, you think you know them throughBut there's something that you may not know and here's a little clueThe female of the trio has her birthday onTalk Like A Pirate DaySo heads up, Harry and Ron!When she found out, her eyes she rolled, she went on knitting socksBut Harry said, "I've got the gold, let's head down for

2010-02-22T20:16:00.003-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 22 February 2K10This song gets played/pimped in honor of a WWJD-esque bumper sticker I saw while coming home to my apartment from work today.The sun is hot and that ol' clock is moving slowAnd so am IThe workday passes like molasses in wintertimeBut it's JulyGetting paid by the hour, and older by the minuteMy boss just pushed me over the limitI'd like to

2010-01-12T17:00:00.002-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 12 January 2010(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)She had all the tattoos and the piercingsHates everything, says everybody's wrongShe dressed like she slept with Guns 'n RosesBut I busted her, singing all the boy band songsShe had to go... simply becauseAnd I'll let her go, like she never wasCause I didn't know, and I don't care what she doesShe had to go... cause she

2010-01-07T00:24:00.003-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 06 Jan 2010Who left you hanging... on that peg all alone?You look near-mint to me, babe, and I want to make you my ownI wanna be your captain, my pon-farr is a' risin'So step on over here, girl, my love is enterprisin'Let me be your conventional loverLet me show you some conventional loveI don't mean to boast, I don't mean to bragBut I'm a man whose only

2009-12-22T13:40:00.003-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 21 December 2K9 (Guitarist Dave Carroll of the Canadian country band Sons of Maxwell had the misfortune of flying down to Omaha this summer only to find his custom guitar broken when he arrived. His protest video over the runaround he experienced from United Airlines went viral, and the Brownian motion of the internets soon brought this song over to me. I've

2009-10-13T00:10:00.003-05:00

Batten Down The Hatches, For I Have Discovered FacebookSo I broke down and signed up for Facebook about a week or so ago... and I am simply astounded at how many people I know from high school that are on there. More are emailing me almost every day. It's like the ten-year reunion, albeit six years late and we're scattered all over the place as opposed to being in some auditorium. If you're

2009-05-21T17:53:00.006-05:00

Sayonara, Farewell, Amen, Chunky Peanut Butter(and yes, I really did use that as the title for an email)'Cause there's no time for fussing or fighting, my friendBut baby, I'm amazed at the hate that you can sendAnd you... painted my entire worldBut I... don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiledAnd I won't forget it-- Bad Religion, "You"There's damned few phrases that are more

2009-03-02T09:19:00.001-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 03 March 2K9Yeah, I get it, you're an outcastAlways under attack, always coming in lastBringing up the past, nobody owes you anythingI think you need a shotgun blast, a kick in the assSo paranoid, watch your back!Oh my, here we goAnother loose cannon gone bipolarSlipped down, couldn't get much lowerQuicksand's got no sense of humorI'm still laughing like

2009-02-16T08:28:00.002-06:00

My God, You Mean To Tell Me I've Not Touched This Thing In Almost A Year?!Word life, update like a motherfucker!So, what all has happened in my crazed life that warrants such a long hiatus, even longer than Rob T's apparent retirement?The last voyage of the Kitty Hawk, for starters. I crossed Hawaii off my Places To Visit Before I Die List, and my mom fell in love with San Diego when my folks

2009-02-16T08:11:00.002-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, Part the Second: January 2K9Grandpa, tell me about the good old daysSometimes it feels like... this world's gone crazyGrandpa, take me back to yesterdayWhen the line between right and wrong didn't seem so hazyDid lovers really fall in love to stayAnd stand beside each other come what may?Was a promise really something people kept?Not just something they

2009-02-16T07:48:00.002-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, Part the First: December 2K8It's only when your poison spinsInto the life you'd hoped to liveAnd suddenly you wake up in a shaken panic (now!)You'd set me up like a lamb to slaughterGarbo as the farmer's daughterUnbelieveable; the gospel according to who?I lay right downAll your sad and lost apostlesHum my name and flare their nostrilsChoking on the bones

2008-05-20T04:26:00.003-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 20 May 2K8This is the official Dean W. McFarland theme song, as the person so named has a propensity for uttering strangely homoerotic things... Anyhow, a tangent sparked by IT1 Frankmiller (it's actually two words, but for a time before he arrived, his name was pronounced as if it were but one) actually put this song back in my head...Two-week vacation,

2008-05-19T04:40:00.002-05:00

Where's Eric Bischoff Now That We REALLY Need Him?So I bummed a copy of the demo CD from the latest ish of PC Gamer because it purported to have a copy of the Warhammer Online intro movie. What I saw was at least 3 minutes of chubby editor-type expounding upon the Warhammer phenomenon, and not very well. It was obvious he took zero ranks in Knowledge (What The Hell He Was Talking About) skill,

2008-05-18T04:13:00.002-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 18 May 2K8(Rationale: Probable Fraidy Cat Cruise #n: The Annihilation Of Our Remaining Free Time)If the storm doesn't kill meThe government willI've gotta get that outta my headIt's a new day today and the coffee is strongI finally got some restSo a man's put to task and challengesI was taught to hold my head highCollect what is mine, make the best of what

2008-05-18T03:26:00.003-05:00

And Gates Says I Hardly Update Anymore...Jim over at fewl.net finds this doozy of an article by the former skipper of the Essex which succinctly speaks volumes on everything that is wrong with the Forward Deployed Naval Forces. Granted, he waited until he was retired to release it, but I'm not holding that against him. Is it any wonder I want out of Japan?Then again, I would've been too strongly

2007-12-14T08:54:00.000-06:00

Is That A Cowbell I Hear?ITEM: Jean-Claude Van Damme will SHEEP YO' ASS, BITCH!(It helps if you're fluent in French)ITEM: And the Coaster of the Indeterminate Time Period goes to the Ghost Rider movie. Whoever wrote the screenplay really needs to sit down with the comics more, in between sessions of being horse-whipped for fucking up one of my favorite Marvel characters. I couldn't finish it,

2007-12-12T08:52:00.001-06:00

Report from Memewatch, 12 December 2K7 My score on The Which Lolcat Are You? Test: Cheezburger cat (58% Affectionate, 56% Excitable, 57% Hungry) Sure, you deserve one. You helped popularized lolcats from a running gag to an online sensation. Now mainstream media writes asinine columns on this 'phenomenon', students write theses on the topic, programming languages adopt

2007-12-07T09:10:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 07 December 2K7Troubled souls uniteWe've got ourselves tonightI am fuel, you are friendsWe've got the means to make amendsI am lost, I'm no guideBut I'm by your sideI am right by your sideYoung lover, I standIt was their idea, I proved to be a manTake... my fucking handIt was their idea, I proved to be a manWill myself to find a home, a home within myselfWe

2007-12-02T04:47:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 29 November 2K7(Shh... quiet, you might piss somebody off)Like me, motherfucker, you've been at it for too longWhile you feed off others' insecuritiesYou stand in front of me and bite the hand that feedsSelf-righteousness is wearing thin(Lies inside your head, your best friend)Heart bleeds, but not for fellow men(Broken glass, your fake reflection)I've had

2007-11-28T21:53:00.000-06:00

Quote of the Indeterminate Time Period, 29 November 2K7"Jesus was too smart to run for public office." -- Mike Huckabee, on what Jesus would think about the death penalty

2007-11-28T21:42:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 22 November 2K7[For the Chinese Ministry of Foreign Affairs, who, in case you were living under a rock this week, turned down the ship's request to enter Hong Kong harbor, and by the time they flip-flopped, we were over 200 miles away and going back to Japan]Well, I heard some people talkin’ just the other dayAnd they said you were gonna put me on a shelfBut

2007-07-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 21 July 2K7Yeah, can you hear the call?In our rambling landSussurations, that can expandBeyond all hope of lightAnd plunge us into unrelenting nightA pall on truth and reasonIt feels like hunting seasonSo avoid those lines of sightAnd we'll set this rightWelcome to the New Dark AgesYeah, I hope you're living rightThese are the New Dark AgesAnd the world

2007-07-05T18:02:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 5 July 2K7Look at you sleeping thereI couldn't love anyone or anything moreYou truly are my angel from HeavenSo... thanks, GodWish I could tell you how much I love youA thousand times a dayBut I hope that you can see it in my eyesEvery moment that we're awakeAnd every minute that I dreamI dream of youGod, that sounds like such a used lineBut, fuck it... it's

2007-06-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

Little-Known Movie Bit Of The Indeterminate Time Period, 10 June 2K7If you ever get the chance, Blog Nation, rent Morgan Stewart's Coming Home and check out the scene where Our Hero gets back to the house after meeting the Love Interest for the first time. It's a sort of salute to Gene Kelly and MGM that I've not had much luck finding on YouTube, otherwise I'd embed it here. Leave it to me to

2007-03-09T17:57:00.000-06:00

State of Blog Nation, Winter 2K7Butch happily welcomes our new Marissa Miller overlords, and now so do I. Whoever at SI had the bright idea of putting an iPod right over her coochie in the semi-nude shot is a certified artiste.Rob-type has a few words to say about the Death of Captain America. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there was a retarded other version of Cap floating around; went by

2007-03-09T17:34:00.000-06:00

Song Of The Indeterminate Time Period, 10 March 2K7 (Part The First)(When's the last time you've seen one of these? Guess who's being honored in this song and win a cookie!)You're the fighter, you've got the fireThe spirit of a warrior, the champion's heartYou fight for your life, because the fighter never quitsYou make the most of the hand you're dealtBecause the quitter never wins (no!)You were

2007-02-07T16:04:00.000-06:00

Son of the Son of the CowbellITEM: So I was downloading the latest Quicktime version and came across the trailer for the new F4 movie (Rise of the Silver Surfer). And with any luck, I'll probably be watching the thing in the same place I watched the first -- Sydney, New South Wales, Dot-au (that's Australia for the non-netspeak-inclined).ITEM: Which brings me to my next order of business. I've

2006-10-06T06:13:00.000-05:00

One Hundred and Ninety Dollars Worth Of Cell Phone Accessories... Ahhh YeahhhhSo I broke down and bought a contract cell phone in Japan.[months and months later]What I was going to add but never got around to is that I put down a bunch of money on accessories for the phone, to wit a Micro SD chip for it and a Bluetooth headset that never worked.

2006-09-21T06:26:00.000-05:00

GOR-rammitJust when I think I can finally relax, they spring Fraidy Cat Cruise II: Electric Boogaloo.Translation: we may be getting underway AGAIN. May I have a show of hands of everybody who thinks having an AIRCRAFT CARRIER, IN HOME PORT being chased out of it by a typhoon is utterly ludicrous, please?If it's longer than a week, there will doubtlessly be fucking murders.In this, my darkest hour

2006-09-16T23:36:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 17 September 2K6Got the craving for some lunchBut I ain't got nothing to munchMy mind is set on just one wishA big ol' sandwich -- tuna fishTime to make a grocery runI'll walk there in the morning sunAnd make a list of what I need mostTuna fish, and bread for toastAnd though my stomach may be emptyI'll feed my head from a horn o' plentyRoll a joint Bob

2006-09-16T06:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, Now I Feel ElderlyGot a message on my MySpace page from a lady I haven't heard from in well over a decade. See, this girl was one of the old Smithson Valley honors classmates (seemed to have the same number of people in practically every class, and she was one of them). She's living around Houston, has a bf, and seems to be doing well enough for herself.And well, the sudden wash of nostalgia

2006-06-03T02:04:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 3 June 2K6And now, the Cory Rogers Song...I remember when we walked as oneAnd all the truths were knownAnd we were scrappers in the schoolyard fightsTalked tough on the telephoneBut there was always one big guyWho feared nothing and no oneHis name was Gary and he looked so meanHe wasn't a lot of funWhen he walked by... YOU GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAYGary was

2006-06-03T01:52:00.000-05:00

What Jay Learned From His Stateside LeaveWhen dealing with naval bureaucracy, no news is not good news. It is merely what it is: no news.Never attempt international travel the day immediately following a 24-hour duty watch.Never shop for Navy ribbons at an Army ribbon store.Never underestimate the capability of clerical types to screw up everything, up to and including a cup of coffee.

2006-02-16T01:25:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 16 February 2K6I'm thinking of thinking of calling her rightAfter my afternoon napI'm thinking of thinking of sending her flowersRight after Bonnie gets backSo many fishies... left in the seaSo many fishies... but no one for meI'm thinking of thinking of hooking a loveSoon after supper is done-- performed by Ambassador G'Kar (Andreas Katsulas) in the Babylon

2006-02-09T05:19:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 9 February 2K6Please allow me to adjust my pantsSo that I may dance the good time danceAnd put the onlookers and innocent bystanders into a tranceGive disease so the swine will marry and propagate liesTough luck for elected officialsThe beast you see got fifty eyesBring it on home, spread the wealthPlay it cool, the hand's been dealtNow all the odds are in

2006-01-05T22:40:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 6 January 2K6Debbie just hit the wall, she never had it allOne Prozac a day, husband's a CPAHer dreams went out the door when she turned twenty-fourOnly been with one man, what happened to her plan?She was going to be an actress, she was going to be a starShe was going to shake her ass on the hood of Whitesnake's carHer yellow SUV is now the enemyLooks at

2005-12-23T09:56:00.000-06:00

I've Got A Fever, And The Only Prescription Is More CowbellITEM: The humble propreitor of this blog would like to let it be known that he is officially a Petty Officer Third Class in the United States Navy.[set voice=Kenny Mayne]I am the most popular information systems tech in all the land! Bring me the finest meats and cheeses for a tremendous radio shack feast![/voice]ITEM: Rob-type, I already

2005-12-23T09:32:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 24 December 2K5I've been normally using this space to pimp what I feel needs pimping and more often than not, just to bitch. But I first heard this song during my first Christmas in Austin, and it rings with both truth and beauty. Track down the mp3 of this, you will not be disappointed.Mary grows a child without the help of a manJoseph gets upset because he

2005-10-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

Gotta Keep A' Runnin'The Chicago Marathon was this past weekend, and for those of you keeping score at home, my sister finished in 5 hrs, 31 mins, and 6 secs. I wasn't expecting her to win, but it puts a lot of things into perspective.I am in bewildered awe at the level of committment she displayed getting ready for this.

2005-09-20T03:09:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 20 September 2K5(You just knew David Draiman would bring back the coughing-up-a-hairball scream again. I'm immediately calling this for a final battle song in a fic on down the line.)Survivor... survivor...One more goddamned dayWhen I know what I wantAnd my want will be considered tonight (ahh! ahh!)Consider tonight (ahh! ahh!)Just another dayWhen all that I

2005-09-09T01:06:00.000-05:00

Real American Heroes...Next month exactly, my sister will be running in her very first marathon. She's also doing this for a good cause: St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Check it out.

2005-09-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 9 September 2K5Sister, I'm not much a poet, but a criminalAnd you never had a chanceLove it, or leave it, you can't understandA pretty face, but you do so carry on,And on, and on...I wouldn't front the scene if you paid meI'm just the way that the doctor made meOn, and on, and on, and onLove is the red of the rose on your coffin doorWhat's life like,

2005-08-20T11:43:00.000-05:00

Song of the 2K5 Summer Deployment of USS Kitty Hawk (latter half)(I picked up this CD for the song titles alone. Let's just say everything went downhill after Sydney on the now-concluded Big Summer Deployment...)In the middle of a gunfightIn the center of a restaurantThey say, "Come with your arms raised high"Well, they're never gonna get meLike a bullet through a flock of dovesTo wage... this

2005-05-02T05:52:00.000-05:00

I Woke Up Screaming "Fuck The World"So, what random haggard circumstances have propped up to keep me from being happy at this time?My laptop's been held up in production over a cash flow problem (read: they want an honest-to-Jebus wire transfer as opposed to an electronic bill payment). This was ultimately resolved, but by the time that happened, some part or another was on back order.The biggest

2005-05-02T05:39:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 2 May 2K5(A bad day at the shack brings us this little number...)So you've been to school for a year or twoAnd you know you've seen it allIn Daddy's car, thinkin' you'll go farBack east, your kind don't crawlPlay ethnic-y jazz to parade your snazzOn your five-grand stereoBraggin' that you know how the niggers feel coldAnd the slums got so much soul It's time

2005-04-09T04:33:00.000-05:00

I'm RICH, Bee-yatch!Finally got my enlistment bonus middle of last month, and my new Alienware laptop is forthcoming. Also picked up some stickers from the good people at unamerican.com to decorate it with. I would've picked up the "Fuck with me, and I will saw off your legs" t-shirt while I was there, but I fear the quarterdeck watch would quite rightly shit their pants if they saw me wearing

2005-03-27T19:38:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 28 March 2K5(Not even Japanese rain could dampen my mood today, after over a month at sea!)Guess who just got back today?Those wild-eyed boys who had been awayHadn't changed, hadn't much to sayBut, man, I still think those cats are crazyThey were asking if you were aroundHow you was, where you could be foundI told them you were living downtownDrivin' all the

2005-03-14T00:26:00.000-06:00

Song Of USS Kitty Hawk's Spring 2K5 DeploymentTake me down to the paradise cityWhere the grass is greenAnd the girls are prettyOh, won't you please take me home?Take me down to the paradise cityWhere the grass is greenAnd the girls are prettyOh, won't you please take me home?Just an urchin livin' under the streetI'm a hard case that's tough to beatI'm your charity caseSo buy me somethin' to

2005-02-08T04:25:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 8 February 2K5 (Part The First) (for Kevin C., the latest in a long line of cockbites) Someone told me once That there's a right and wrong And punishment would come To those who dared to cross the line But it must not... be true For a jerk-off just like you And maybe it... takes longer To catch a... TOTAL ASSHOLE But I'm tired of waiting Someone told me

2005-02-02T06:13:00.000-06:00

I've Heard Of Monday Morning Quarterbacking, But... And as my man Mr. Harris goes 0-2 in his conference final picks (*runs like da fuggin' wind*), we get a Super Bowl Hype Week full of pre-game sniping, moreso than in recent years. Of course, being on The Far Side Of The World means we get the game early Monday morning. And the skipper was sufficiently magnaminous to let us have the day off to

2005-01-21T22:47:00.000-06:00

Could It Be? Something Other Than Music? Hello again from Freedom's Flagship, the Mighty Hawk, the Battle Cat, the Shitty Kitty, or whatever nickname best suits your personal karma. We just came back after steaming south of Japan all week to take on fuel and other things that go boom, and it's certainly an amazing experience to go up on the catwalk just before the flight deck to see Mt. Fuji off

2005-01-14T07:09:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 14 January 2K5 Sherry was a waitress at the only joint in town She had a reputation as a girl who'd been around Down Main Street after midnight, with a brand new pack of cigs A fresh one hangin' from her lips, a beer between her legs She'd ride down to the river and meet with all her friends The road goes on forever and the party never ends Sonny was a

2005-01-08T22:30:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 9 January 2K5 I play in a band, we're the best in the land We're big in both Chelsea and France I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty These other gals mean nothing to me Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night 'Cause I'm more than a

2005-01-03T22:33:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 4 January 2K5 I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin' about half past dead I just need some place where I can lay my head "Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?" He just grinned and shook my hand, and "no!", was all he said Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free Take a load off Fanny And - and - and - you put the load - you put the

2005-01-01T19:10:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 2 January 2K5 The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down Of the big lake they call Gitchy-Goomy The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead When the skies of November turn gloomy With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty That good ship, in truth, was a bone to be chewed When the gales of November

2004-12-27T06:27:00.000-06:00

It's Christmas! Collect Presents! A coupla days late, herewith the list of Christmas loot: Mid-size tube of Tootsie Rolls (like that'll last long aboard ship) Chocolate-covered cherries (the fact they're in a box I haven't opened yet is proof positive they've lasted that long) Multi-light flashlight (a little less bulky than the one I got one year and none of them went with me to Japan) And the

2004-12-27T06:07:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 27 December 2K4 I've been sittin' here Tryin' to find myself I get behind myself I need to rewind myself Lookin' for the payback Listen for the playback They say that every man Bleeds just like me And I feel like Number One Yet I'm last in line I watch my youngest son And it helps to pass the time I take too many pills It helps to ease the pain I made a

2004-12-27T05:54:00.000-06:00

So Long, O Minister of Defense And in other news, Reggie White kicked off.

2004-12-23T19:28:00.000-06:00

Recipie of the Indeterminate Time Period: Clusterfuck a la Hawk A few of the newcomers here, including the Darin Shaffer Quote Machine and myself, are convinced that a goodly number of senior and chief petty officers' morning conversations go something like this: "Morning, Chief!" "Morning, PO1." "What's good with you?" "Same old shit." *pause* "So, how do you want to fuck up the Indoc

2004-12-12T21:25:00.000-06:00

HK-47ism of the Indeterminate Time Period "Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope." Yes, KOTOR 2's out and Everybody's Favorite Coppery Droid of Violence Fucking Violence is back for seconds too.

2004-12-11T16:28:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 11 December 2K4, Part The Second Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog Little sister brought her new boyfriend He was a Mexican We didn't know what to think of him until he sang Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad Brother Ken brought his kids with him The three from his first wife Lynn And the

2004-12-11T16:01:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 11 December 2K4 To all you lasses in Parnassus swallowing swords Shooting out fire at us heathen hordes I was thinking something before I began But then you done cut off both of my hands Now I do my drinking from bamboo straws Constantly kicking at tarantulas What was I thinking, move to Baltimore? I am the great outdoors! Jump into the water Keelhauled on

2004-12-10T17:24:00.000-06:00

Second-Hand Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 10 December 2K4 Gryphon posted this song to his fanfic imprint's well-known site forum, and it so completely describes the last days of my time as a civilian perfectly...

2004-12-04T13:48:00.000-06:00

Song Of The Indeterminate Time Period, 4 December 2K4 This song currently owns me for free, and is the opening theme to the upcoming Kage no Senki, Cycle III: No Compromises. -- Jay They fall in line, one at a time Ready to play (I can't see them anyway) No time to lose, we've got to move Steady your hand (I am losing sight again) Fire your guns, it's time to run Blow me away (I will stay,

2004-11-25T18:45:00.000-06:00

Halo 2 Exchange Of The Indeterminate Time Period Everybody's Favorite E-9 drops onto the surface of *SPOILER* with some ODSTs. CORTANA: Can you POSSIBLY make any more NOISE?! Master Chief pulls out a SPNKr. CORTANA: I guess so.

2004-11-25T17:39:00.000-06:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, Turkey Day 2K4 Good to be back home In the pubs with the people that you love And a crawl around the clubs getting high Good to be back home all alone When you're running up the phone bill Trying to raise the cents for the rent Good to be back home with your kid And you ask him what he did Well, he burned the house down to the ground Good to be back

2004-11-04T13:38:00.000-06:00

November Rain Yow. Been a while since I touched this, but there's so much to do around here and not enough time to do it in. You'd expect to see snow this far north, but so far, all we've been getting is rain. Memewatch You are Dian Wei, bodyguard of Cao Cao. You are adevil. Your power is feared. Animals are evenafraid of you. You don their heads to remindyour foes how foolish they are

2004-10-07T02:30:00.000-05:00

Secondhand Core Response Dance Rob, believe me, I feel your pain, brah. Even though I've lived all over the south central portion of the Lone Star State for the last, oh, 15 years before coming into the World's Finest Navy, I still consider San Antonio as my hometown. And I've lived through 99.5 KISS's short-lived foray into oldies to pursue the almighty advertising dollar. Granted, without the

2004-10-07T02:03:00.000-05:00

Cockbite Quote of the Indeterminate Time Period "Miami is not a part of Florida. Miami is a part of Cuba!" Not-Wilbon Quote of the Indeterminate Time Period "Self-esteem issues are caused by two things: Lack of sex, and lack of sex."

2004-10-07T01:57:00.000-05:00

Memewatch

2004-09-26T01:16:00.000-05:00

Why Is It That... ...all the cockbites of the world seem to have the cool stuff? I realize it's your room (or at the very least, a share of it is yours and another two shares happen to belong to mutual friends), Nicky Pierce, but does that give you the right to park your kiester in front of the screen while I'm trying to play Tony Hawk and try to fix your busted-ass Hewlett-Crapard portable and

2004-09-17T22:57:00.000-05:00

Moment of Supremely Bad Taste Zen Did Speedy Gonzales have days like this?

2004-09-15T14:50:00.000-05:00

The Things We Do Or Think About Instead Of Our Homework My instructor looks (and sounds) so much like Mike Wilbon on PTI that it's scary. Which leads me to this latest proclamation from the House of Ideas: Forthwith and evermore, just as the shipmate who came up with the institutional toilet paper/CPO line is referred to as The Darin Shaffer Quote Machine, so shall my instructor be referred to

2004-09-15T14:40:00.000-05:00

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood? Class listing for my "A" School class Turns out I'm not the only dab hand with HTML...

2004-09-14T11:52:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 14 September 2K4 This one goes out to whoever's bright idea it was to hold urinanalysis tests in the Oh-my-God-what-are-we-doing-up-this-late'ning. "You must die! I alone am best!" I hope you flip some guy the bird He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve In front of the Beatles' tour bus A Bookmobile, and a Mack truck Hauling hazardous biological

2004-09-10T23:26:00.000-05:00

Shitty Pun of the Indeterminate Time Period, 10 September 2K4 Kat Templeton brings us the following: "DO IT YOURSELF: Larry Bostic, 52, and Wei Sun, 45, got into a misunderstanding over a shopping cart at a Home Depot store in Vineland, N.J. Each took a swing at the other, but missed. The struggle then escalated into a 'sword fight', police say, after each grabbed a two-by-four. Bostic got the

2004-09-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

Hey, Mr. Jennings... Roll For Surprise, Monkey-Boy So the local MWR held its semi-regular Freebie Friday tonight, which included a gameshow-style trivia contest. So, arriving from some deserved late-afternoon slumbertude following the witnessing of the Training Support Center's change of command ceremony only to find the food gone, I settle in to watch. And watching some rocks stumble over the

2004-09-09T13:25:00.000-05:00

Look, This Isn't Difficult You know the carpet on your side of the room? The part with all the toejam, nail clippings, lint, and God knows what else? The part those in command of the BEQ consider a common area and will look at when they perform one of their random unannounced room inspections? Well, any grade of Unsat you get on it is my Unsat, too. Which means that I can't put in for the

2004-09-07T13:49:00.000-05:00

An Open Letter To The Administrators Of muchosucko.com Dear Sir(s): I am writing to urge you in the strongest possible form to be more stringent in the future about the nature of the ads you put on your site. All I wanted was to watch a 7.5 min movie. Instead, I spent a substantial portion of my early morning, morning, and lunch hour playing net.damage-controlman (an awful lot like playing

2004-09-06T20:48:00.000-05:00

More From The Darin Shaffer Quote Machine "Goldfish is cheddar-flavored crack."

2004-09-03T08:12:00.000-05:00

If We Are What We Eat, Then I'm Fast, Cheap, And Easy Over the past month, I figure I've eaten more McDonald's than I've eaten since I came back to Kerrville from Austin. This is shocking, to say the least. Overheard... The Darin Shaffer Quote Machine just keeps on rolling: "What did we learn in 'A' School today? That bunnies can act, and Happy Tree Friends is the shit." Exactly How Many

2004-08-29T23:27:00.000-05:00

Would Anyone Like Some Phlegm? I've had this cough for the past coupla weeks. Kinda annoying when you have to do PT with this shit, but it's clearing up (thank God). I don't know if Rafael nurgled me or no, but I'm just glad it's passing. Overheard... "[Institutional] toilet paper is like [Chief Petty Officers] -- tough as nails and takes shit off nobody." -- original thought from a shipmate

2004-08-25T21:41:00.000-05:00

Love That Link Rot Found this at the new home of Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Great Hall, Hogwarts GROOVY NEW DUMBLEDORE: Many thanks to the Richard Harris Memorial Toad Choir for that lovely performance. Greetings, salutations, and what up: I will be your new Dumbledore this year, which I’m sure will be fabulous despite the presence of a few hundred undernourished ringwraiths on the premises.

2004-08-25T12:07:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 25 August 2K4 Fifteen years in the Academy Like no cadet they'd ever seen A man so hard his veins bleed ice And when he speaks, he never says it twice They call him Judge, his last name is Dredd Break the law, and you'll wind up dead Truth and justice, what he's fighting for Judge Dredd the man, he is the law... DROKK IT! With gun and bike, he rules the

2004-08-01T09:02:00.000-05:00

*grumblefuckmutter* Almost forgot this... every blog on my list has been Dilberted by this fuggin' pay terminal I'm on! NP: Seether, "Fine Again"

2004-08-01T08:54:00.000-05:00

Summer Camp With Guns And Cranky Petty Officers Hey Army! What are you doing? Get in your tracks and follow me... Hey Air Force! What are you doing? Get in your jets and follow me... I'm in the U.S. Navy! For the tens (and tens) of my fans who read this blog and don't know it yet, I am now officially an United Sates Sailor. Survived boot camp and everything, and using this bit of liberty to (

2004-05-27T18:19:00.000-05:00

Where Was This Shirt 2-3 Years Ago? I am so getting one of these when I graduate bewt.

2004-05-25T01:03:00.000-05:00

Introducing For One Night Only, The Lunch Counter Bastard From Hell So, my last day at the Chinese Kitchen was this past Friday, and there was the usual bittersweet parting as my shift ran down for the last time. As I put it, "I won't miss the work, but I'll miss the people. (Yes, even you, [Femcockbite's real name deleted].) But, as the title suggests, I got to blow off a little good-natured

2004-05-20T00:52:00.000-05:00

Sleazy Pun of the Indeterminate Time Period, 19 May 2K4 We get regulars, as often happens when you work for an operation like the one I work for (for the rest of this week, anyway). I swear, one of them, with the exceptions of being taller than me and having glasses, is a dead ringer for Hanover Fiste from the Heavy Metal movie (I don't consider the Julie Strain vehicle FAKK2 as a Heavy Metal

2004-05-18T22:23:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 18 May 2K4 (Part The First) I'm a pimp, you can check my stats And rollin' the Fleetwood, that's how I mack I rock all the tracks, so the world knows I love all the girls, smack all the hoes Show love to those who come real with it Life's a bitch, but I deal with it I'm in it to win it like Yzerman Can drink about fifteen Heinekens I'm not born again, but

2004-05-18T22:08:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 18 May 2K4 (Part The Second) Drove downtown in the rain 9:30 on a Tuesday night Just to check out the late-night record shop Call it impulsive, call it compulsive Call it insane When I'm surrounded, I just can't stop It's a matter of instincts, a matter of conditioning A matter of fact You can call me Pavlov's Dog Ring a bell and I'll salivate Now how'd ya

2004-05-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 18 May 2K4 (Part The Third) (We had a lot of pigfuckers stop by this evening, or couldn't you tell? So, for the express-hole who dumped a cart's worth of groceries on Maria, to the fat bitch who called me an idiot for following her mother's instructions, this one's for y'all) Feelings Nothing more than feelings Trying to forget my Feelings of hate

2004-05-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

LAMEST. COOKIE FORTUNE. EVER. "Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze." Null defecation, this was my fortune cookie fortune from dinner tonight. Instead of printing the lucky numbers below it, they shoulda had "It's just common freakin' courtesy, okay?" In other news, Derek Fisher can NEW JACK SWING ON MY NUTS. (dap to Butch Rosser for introducing that term into my vocabulary)

2004-05-13T21:26:00.000-05:00

Pro-Lakers Refs Can Eat A Fat Dick And now, the answers to the second 20 of the songmeme. 21) Hey... don't write yourself off yet / It's only in your head that you feel left out / Or looked down on Jimmy Eat World, "The Middle" (Rik hits the blocks early here) 22) When they kick at your front door / How you gonna come? / With your hands on your head / Or on the trigger of your gun? Dropkick

2004-05-12T01:48:00.000-05:00

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 12 May 2K4 Over and over, I keep wondering why Then I give up and see that look in your eyes 'Cause if I trip and fall, I'll be to blame And if I hit the wall, I'll still be the same Wasting your time with your so-called friends The ones you adore and the ones you pretend And it's kind of sad and deranged But it's not so bad that it can't be explained '

2004-05-09T23:21:00.000-05:00

Class Is Now In Session The answers to the first twenty of the songmeme... 1) Turn your television off / And I will sing a song / And if you suddenly have the urge / You can sing along... Nickelback, "Leader Of Men" (My man Rik got this one) 2) No, you needn't shed a tear / 'Cause I've got waffles and I've got beer / And I've got Mr. Belvedere... Nerf Herder, "Welcome To My World" 3) And