I Woke Up Screaming "Fuck The World"

So, what random haggard circumstances have propped up to keep me from being happy at this time?

• My laptop's been held up in production over a cash flow problem (read: they want an honest-to-Jebus wire transfer as opposed to an electronic bill payment). This was ultimately resolved, but by the time that happened, some part or another was on back order.


• The biggest bitch in my division (who just happens to be a second-class) got posted to my duty section. As my supervisor. Just what I needed before the Big Summer Deployment.


• And now we've got the prospect of a Fall Deployment.

Pay no attention to the man wearing the huge happy hat.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 2 May 2K5

(A bad day at the shack brings us this little number...)

So you've been to school for a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
In Daddy's car, thinkin' you'll go far
Back east, your kind don't crawl
Play ethnic-y jazz to parade your snazz
On your five-grand stereo
Braggin' that you know how the niggers feel cold
And the slums got so much soul

It's time to taste what you most fear
Right Guard will not help you here
Brace yourself, my dear
Brace yourself, my dear...

It's a holiday in Cambodia
It's tough, kid, but it's life
It's a holiday in Cambodia
Don't forget to pack a wife

You're a star-bellied sneech, you suck like a leech
You want everyone to act like you
Kiss ass while you bitch, so you can get rich
But your boss gets richer on you
Well, you'll work harder with a gun in your back
For a bowl of rice a day
Slave for soldiers 'til you starve
Then your head's skewered on a stake
Now you can go where people are one
Now you can go where they get things done
What you need, my son
What you need, my son...

Is a holiday in Cambodia
Where people dress in black
A holiday in Cambodia
Where you'll kiss ass or crack

Pol! Pot! Pol! Pot! Pol! Pot! Pol! Pot!
Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot...

And it's a holiday in Cambodia
Where you'll do what you're told
A holiday in Cambodia
Where the slums got so much soul
Pol Pot!

-- Dead Kennedys
"Holiday In Cambodia"
Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables (1980)

I'm RICH, Bee-yatch!

Finally got my enlistment bonus middle of last month, and my new Alienware laptop is forthcoming. Also picked up some stickers from the good people at unamerican.com to decorate it with. I would've picked up the "Fuck with me, and I will saw off your legs" t-shirt while I was there, but I fear the quarterdeck watch would quite rightly shit their pants if they saw me wearing it.

On that note, stop me before I pick up another PS2 game anytime soon.

The Flash Party That Rocks Your Body

Went down to albinoblacksheep.com and found a couple that pimp your sister for nickels...

French Erotic Film, or Colin Mochrie vs. Jesus H. Christ
Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me

It's J-Rock! Holla!

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 28 March 2K5
(Not even Japanese rain could dampen my mood today, after over a month at sea!)

Guess who just got back today?
Those wild-eyed boys who had been away
Hadn't changed, hadn't much to say
But, man, I still think those cats are crazy

They were asking if you were around
How you was, where you could be found
I told them you were living downtown
Drivin' all the old men crazy

The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
The boys are back in tow-ow-own
The boys are back in town

You know that chick that used to dance a lot?
Every Friday, she'd be on the floor, shakin' what she got
Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot
I mean, she was steaming

And that time over at Johnny's place?
Well, this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face
Man, we just fell about the place
If that chick don't wanna know, forget her

The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
The boys are back in tow-ow-own
The boys are back in town

Friday night, they'll be dressed to kill
Down at Dino's Bar & Grill
The drink will flow, and blood will spill
And if the boys wanna fight, you'd better let 'em

That jukebox in the corner, blastin' out my favorite songs
The nights are gettin' warmer, it won't be long
Won't be long 'til summer comes
Now that the boys are here again

The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)
The boys are back in tow-ow-own
The boys are back in town

-- Thin Lizzy
"The Boys Are Back In Town"
Jailbreak (1976)

Song Of USS Kitty Hawk's Spring 2K5 Deployment

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Just an urchin livin' under the street
I'm a hard case that's tough to beat
I'm your charity case
So buy me somethin' to eat
I'll pay you at another time
Take it to the end of the line

Rags to riches, or so they say
You gotta keep pushin' for the fortune and fame
You know it's, it's all a gamble
When it's just a game
You treat it like a capital crime
Everybody' doin' their time

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Strapped in the chair of the city's gas chamber
Why I'm here, I can't quite remember
The Surgeon General says it's hazardous to breathe
I'd have another cigarette, but I can't see
Tell me what you're gonna believe

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?

So far... away...
So far... away...
So far... away...
So far... away...

Captain America's been torn apart
Now, he's a court jester with a broken heart
He said, turn me around
And take me back to the start
I must be losing my mind, uh, mind
I've seen it all a million times

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?

I want to go
I want to know
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to see
Oh, look at me
Oh, won't you please take me home

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Take me home (Oh, won't you please take me home)

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home

Take me down
Oh yeah
Beat me down
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to see
Oh, look at me
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to see
Boy, I'm gonna be mean
Oh, oh take me home

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home

I want to go
I want to know
Oh, won't you please take me home.....
Baby!

-- Guns 'N Roses
"Paradise City"
Appetite For Destruction (1987?)

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 12 March 2K5

(For chicken-shit martinets everywhere... you know who you are)

Almost every day, I see the same face
On broken picture tube, it fits the attitude
If you could see yourself, you'd put you on a shelf
Your verbal masturbate, promise to nauseate

Today, I'll play the part of non-parent
And not make a hundred rules for you to know about yourself
Not lie and make you believe what's evil
Is making love and making friends and meeting God your own way...
(the right way)

To see, to bleed, cannot be done
In turn, you're making us...
FUCKING HOSTILE
We stand alone

The truth in right and wrong, the boundaries of the law
You seem to miss the point, arresting for a joint?
You seem to wonder why hundreds of people die
You're writing tickets, man
My mom got jumped, they ran!

Now, I'll play a public servant
To serve and protect by the law and the state
I'll bust the punks that rape, steal, and murder
And leave you be
If you crossed me, I'd shake your hand like a man...
(not a god)

To see, to bleed, cannot be done
In turn, you're making us...
FUCKING HOSTILE
We stand alone

Come meet your maker, boy, some things you can't enjoy
Because of Heaven/Hell, a fuckin' wives' tale
They'll put it in your head, and put you in your bed
He's watching you say your prayers, 'cause God is everywhere

And now, I'll play a man learning priesthood
About to take the ultimate test in life
I question things because I am human
And call no one my father who's no closer than a stranger
(I won't listen!)

To see, to bleed, cannot be done
In turn, you're making us...
FUCKING... FUCKING... FUCKING...
FUCKING HOSTILE!

-- Pantera
"Fucking Hostile"
Vulgar Display of Power (1992)

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 8 February 2K5 (Part The First)
(for Kevin C., the latest in a long line of cockbites)

Someone told me once
That there's a right and wrong
And punishment would come
To those who dared to cross the line

But it must not... be true
For a jerk-off just like you
And maybe it... takes longer
To catch a... TOTAL ASSHOLE
But I'm tired of waiting

Someone told me once
That there's a right and wrong
And punishment would come
To those who dared to cross the line

But it must not... be true
For a jerk-off just like you
Maybe it's... just bullshit
I should play God, and SHOOT YOU MYSELF
'Cause I'm tired of waiting

Consequences dictate
Our course of action
And it doesn't matter what's right
It's only wrong if you get caught
If consequences dictate
My course of action
I should play God, and SHOOT YOU MYSELF
I'm so tired of waiting

I should kick you,
Beat you,
Fuck you,
And then shoot you in your fucking head!

-- Tool
"Jerk-Off" (live)
Opiate (1992)

Part The Second

I can't say what I want to
Even when I'm not serious
Things like...
"Fuck yourself
Kill yourself
You piece of shit"

People tell me what to say
What to think
And what to play

I say...
"Go fuck yourself, you piece of shit
Why don't you go kill yourself?"

Just kidding.

-- Tool
"Hush"
Opiate (1992)

I've Heard Of Monday Morning Quarterbacking, But...

And as my man Mr. Harris goes 0-2 in his conference final picks (*runs like da fuggin' wind*), we get a Super Bowl Hype Week full of pre-game sniping, moreso than in recent years. Of course, being on The Far Side Of The World means we get the game early Monday morning. And the skipper was sufficiently magnaminous to let us have the day off to watch it. Now if they'd only release me from duty section an hour early so I can catch kickoff...

Seperated At Birth?

And on that note, I just noticed today that Cap'n Parker looks an awful lot like Chef Boyardee.

Smells Like Cockbite, Tastes Like Chicken

So, after a productive morning fuckstarting as many heads as I could find in Data Processing (three accounts in my name and nobody told me what the logon names or passwords were!) and Personnel (I've been here a month and you dragasses STILL haven't listed me as gained yet?!), I find out that the next bunch of maroons that need my minstrations are over in Disbursing (read: bean counters), who have until now been very good about getting my pay in. Which means I am STILL without the funds to buy a replacement computer to call my own.

And to top all that off, somebody in the division just proved himself to be a cockbite by bitching about me behind my back, unaware that I was elsewhere in the berthing and within earshot at the time.

NP: Dr. Dre & Ice Cube, "Natural Born Killaz"

Could It Be? Something Other Than Music?

Hello again from Freedom's Flagship, the Mighty Hawk, the Battle Cat, the Shitty Kitty, or whatever nickname best suits your personal karma. We just came back after steaming south of Japan all week to take on fuel and other things that go boom, and it's certainly an amazing experience to go up on the catwalk just before the flight deck to see Mt. Fuji off the starboard bow.

Now All We Need Is Nike To Do A "Start The Season. Soon." Ad Again...

Saw this recently. The lockout's dragged on too long... not that I've got time underway to watch any fuggin' games, but anyway.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 18 January 2K5

Oh, the year was 1778
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
A letter of marque came from the King
To the scummiest vessel I'd ever seen

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

Well, Elcid Barrett cried the town
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
For twenty brave men, all fishermen, who
Would make for him the Antelope's crew

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

The Antelope sloop was a sickening sight
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
She'd a list to the port, and her sails in rags
And the cook in the scuppers with the staggers and jags

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

On the King's birthday, we put to sea
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
We were ninety-one days to Montego Bay
Pumping like madmen all the way

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

On the ninety-sixth day, we sailed again
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
When a bloody great Yankee hove in sight
With our cracked four-pounders, we made to fight

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

The Yankee lay low down with gold
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
She was broad and fat and loose in stays
But to catch her, took the Antelope two whole days

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

Then, at length, we stood two cables away
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
Our cracked four-pounders made an awful din
But with one fat ball, the Yank stove us in

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

The Antelope shook and pitched on her side
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
Well, Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs
And the main truck carried off both me legs

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

So, here I lay in my twenty-third year
(How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now!)
It's been six years since we sailed away
And I just made Halifax yesterday

God damn them all! I was told
We'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers

-- Irish Descendants
"Barrett's Privateers" (traditional)

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 14 January 2K5

Sherry was a waitress at the only joint in town
She had a reputation as a girl who'd been around
Down Main Street after midnight, with a brand new pack of cigs
A fresh one hangin' from her lips, a beer between her legs
She'd ride down to the river and meet with all her friends
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Sonny was a loner, he was older than the rest
He was going into the Navy, but he couldn't pass the test
So he hung around town, he sold a little pot
The law got wind of Sonny, one day he got caught
But he was back in business when they set him free again
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Sonny's playin' 8-ball at the joint where Sherry works
When some drunken outtatowner put his hand up Sherry's skirt
Sonny took his pool cue, laid the drunk out on the floor
Stuffed a dollar in her tip jar, walked on out the door
She's runnin' right behind him, reachin' for his hand
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

They jumped into his pickup, Sonny jammed her down in gear
Sonny looked at Sherry, said "Let's get on outta here"
The stars were high above them, and the moon was in the east
The sun was settin' on them when they reached Miami Beach
They got a motel by the water, and a quart of Bombay gin
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

They soon ran out of money, but Sonny knew a man
Who knew some Cuban refugees that dealt in contraband
Sonny met the Cubans in a house just off the route
With a briefcase full of money, a pistol in his boot
The cards were on the table when the law came bustin' in
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

The Cubans grabbed the goodies and Sonny grabbed the Jack
He broke a bathroom window, and climbed on out the back
Sherry drove the pickup through the alley on the side
Where a lawman tackled Sonny and was reading him his rights
She stepped into the alley with a single shot .410
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

They left the lawman lyin', they made their getaway
They got back to the motel just before the break of day
Sonny gave her all the money, and he blew her a little kiss
If they ask you how this happened, say I forced you into this
She watched him as his taillights disappeared around the bend
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Its Main Street after midnight, just like it was before
21 months later at the local grocery store
Sherry buys a paper and a cold six-pack of beer
The headlines read Sonny is goin' to the chair
She pulls back onto Main Street, in her new Mercedes-Benz
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

-- Robert Earl Keen
"The Road Goes On Forever"
The Party Never Ends (2003)

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 9 January 2K5

I play in a band, we're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsea and France
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance
So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty
These other gals mean nothing to me
Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night
'Cause I'm more than a handfull you'll see

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and I'm brown
In the trousers -- she kissed me!
And I only bought her one round

I can bench press a car, I'm an ex-football star
With degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine
I've had far better sex while in jail
I designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flambe
I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown
In the trousers -- she kissed me!
And I only bought her one round

I'm the man of the night, a real lady's delight
See, my figure was chisled from stone
One more for the gal, then I'll escort her home
Come last call, I'm never alone
I've a house on the hill with a red waterbed
That puts Hugh Hefner's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the game

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown
In the trousers -- she kissed me!
And I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown
In the trousers -- she kissed me!
And I only bought her one round

Aw, fuck it... whom I shittin'?
I'm a pitiful sight, and I ain't all that bright
I'm definitely not chiselled from stone
I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire
I'll probably die cold and alone
But just give me a chance, 'cause deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold
I'm a monogamous man, no more one night stands
Come on, honey, let me take you home

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown
In the trousers -- she kissed me!
And I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown
In the trousers ("You're tiny!")
And I only bought her one round

-- Dropkick Murphys
"Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced"
Blackout (2003)

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 4 January 2K5

I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin' about half past dead
I just need some place where I can lay my head
"Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"
He just grinned and shook my hand, and "no!", was all he said

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free
Take a load off Fanny
And - and - and - you put the load - you put the load - right on me

I picked up my bag, I went lookin' for a place to hide
When I saw Carmen and the Devil walkin' side by side
I said, "hey, Carmen, come on, let's go downtown"
She said, "I gotta go, but my friend can stick around"

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free
Take a load off Fanny
And - and - and - you put the load - you put the load - right on me

Go down, Miss Moses, there's nothin' you can say
It's just ol' Luke, and Luke's waitin' on the Judgement Day
"Well, Luke, my friend, what about young Anna Lee?"
He said, "do me a favor, son, woncha stay an' keep Anna Lee company?"

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free
Take a load off Fanny
And - and - and - you put the load - you put the load - right on me

Crazy Chester followed me and he caught me in the fog
He said, "I will fix your rack, if you'll take Jack, my dog"
I said, "wait a minute, Chester, you know I'm a peaceful man"
He said, "that's okay, boy, won't you feed him when you can"

Yeah, take a load off Fanny, take a load for free
Take a load off Fanny
And - and - and - you put the load - you put the load - right on me

Catch a cannon ball now to take me down the line
My bag is sinkin' low and I do believe it's time
To get back to Miss Fanny, you know she's the only one
Who sent me here with her regards for everyone

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free
Take a load off Fanny
And - and - and - you put the load - you put the load - right on me

-- The Band
"The Weight"

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 2 January 2K5

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitchy-Goomy
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy

With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship, in truth, was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well-seasoned

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night, when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feeling?

The wind in the wire made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too
It was the Witch of November come stealing

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came, it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind

When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck
Saying "Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya"
At 7 PM, the main hatchway caved in
He said, "Fellas, it's been good to know ya!"

The captain wired in he had water coming in
And the big ship and crew was in peril
And later that night, when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searchers all say they'd've made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her

They might have split up, or they might have capsized
They may have broke wave and took water
And all that remains are the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water dungeon
Ol' Michigan steams like a young man's dreams
The islands and bays are for sportsmen

Farther below, Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her
And the iron boats go, as the mariners all know
With the gales of November remembered

It a musty old hall in Detroit, they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed until it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitchy-Goomy
Superior, they say, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early

-- Gordon Lightfoot
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

It's Christmas! Collect Presents!

A coupla days late, herewith the list of Christmas loot:

• Mid-size tube of Tootsie Rolls (like that'll last long aboard ship)


• Chocolate-covered cherries (the fact they're in a box I haven't opened yet is proof positive they've lasted that long)


• Multi-light flashlight (a little less bulky than the one I got one year and none of them went with me to Japan)


• And the star of the show: a Canon PowerShot A75 digital camera.

Ok, halfway decent haul, but then again, last year I got lifted out of some pretty dire straits by my entire family, and that was a very touching gesture that I'd be remiss not to mention.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 27 December 2K4

I've been sittin' here
Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself

Lookin' for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man
Bleeds just like me

And I feel like Number One
Yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son
And it helps to pass the time

I take too many pills
It helps to ease the pain
I made a couple dollar bills
Still I feel the same

Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me
It's hard to hang out in crowds

I guess that's the price you pay
To be some big shot, like I am
Outstretched hands and one-night-stands
Still I can't find love

And when your walls come tumblin' down
I will always be around...
Yeah

And when your walls come tumblin' down
I will always be around...

People don't know...
About the things I say and do
They don't understand
About the shit that I've been through

It's been so long...
Since I've been home
I've been gone...
I've been gone for way too long

Maybe I forgot
All the things that I miss
Somehow I know
There's more to life than this

I said it too many times
And I still stand firm
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve

Still I ain't seen mine...
No, I ain't seen mine...
I've been givin', I just ain't been gettin'
I've been walkin' that there line

So I think I'll keep a'walkin'
With my head held high
I keep movin' on
And only God knows why
Only God...
Only God...
Only... God knows why

Only... God knows why...

Take me to the river
Won't you take me to the river, yeah...

-- Kid Rock
"Only God Knows Why"
Devil Without A Cause (1998)

So Long, O Minister of Defense

And in other news, Reggie White kicked off.

Recipie of the Indeterminate Time Period: Clusterfuck a la Hawk

A few of the newcomers here, including the Darin Shaffer Quote Machine and myself, are convinced that a goodly number of senior and chief petty officers' morning conversations go something like this:

"Morning, Chief!"
"Morning, PO1."
"What's good with you?"
"Same old shit."

*pause*

"So, how do you want to fuck up the Indoc Division's lives today?"
"Hmmm... how about this: since the berthing barge is being shut down for renovations anyway, we introduce a plan to move half of them to the ship one day and phase the other half in on their duty days, only to scrap the plan at the last minute and move the whole toyshop aboard in one day!"
"I like it! It sings, it's got legs, and it'll make them completely miserable!"

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 24 December 2K4

Coming from a webcomic I don't read or pimp nearly enough...

HK-47ism of the Indeterminate Time Period

"Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope."

Yes, KOTOR 2's out and Everybody's Favorite Coppery Droid of Violence Fucking Violence is back for seconds too.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 11 December 2K4, Part The Second

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him until he sang
Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel
The First Noel

Carve the turkey, turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of tampons, some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw a breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, Oh Silent Night, Oh Holy Night

Carve the turkey, turn the ball game on
Make Bloody Marys 'cause we all want one!
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons, some Salem Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

Feliz Navidad!

-- Robert Earl Keen
"Merry Christmas From The Family"
The Party Never Ends (2003)

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 11 December 2K4

To all you lasses in Parnassus swallowing swords
Shooting out fire at us heathen hordes
I was thinking something before I began
But then you done cut off both of my hands
Now I do my drinking from bamboo straws
Constantly kicking at tarantulas
What was I thinking, move to Baltimore?
I am the great outdoors!

Jump into the water
Keelhauled on the Constellation
Don't you sell my belongings
'Cause you know that I'll be back

Remember when I told you that I was a samurai?
Well, the fact of the matter is that was a lie
There were some other things that I'd rather not recall
Y'all can blame it all on the alcohol
But you ain't got no business criticizing me
This is my house and I'll do as I please
What was I thinking, move to Baltimore?
I am the great outdoors!

Jump into the water
Keelhauled on the Constellation
Don't you sell my belongings
'Cause you know that I'll be back

If you're in the market for green zucchini
Farmer's almanac got the largest size
Winnebago woman, whatcha cookin'?
Move it on over and give me a slice

I'd be a richer man today if it weren't for physics
If I could levitate, I would sell lots of tickets
And maybe do an interview with Larry King while floating

I'd be a richer man today if it weren't for physics
If I could levitate, I would sell lots of tickets...

Move it on over and give me a slice!

-- Clutch
"The Great Outdoors!"
Pure Rock Fury (2001)

Second-Hand Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 10 December 2K4

Gryphon posted this song to his fanfic imprint's well-known site forum, and it so completely describes the last days of my time as a civilian perfectly...