GOR-rammit

Just when I think I can finally relax, they spring Fraidy Cat Cruise II: Electric Boogaloo.

Translation: we may be getting underway AGAIN.

May I have a show of hands of everybody who thinks having an AIRCRAFT CARRIER, IN HOME PORT being chased out of it by a typhoon is utterly ludicrous, please?

If it's longer than a week, there will doubtlessly be fucking murders.

In this, my darkest hour of the month, I must turn to the one man that can help me in this situation...

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 17 September 2K6

Got the craving for some lunch
But I ain't got nothing to munch
My mind is set on just one wish
A big ol' sandwich -- tuna fish
Time to make a grocery run
I'll walk there in the morning sun
And make a list of what I need most
Tuna fish, and bread for toast
And though my stomach may be empty
I'll feed my head from a horn o' plenty
Roll a joint Bob Marley style
And smoke it till it makes me smile

Starting off in Aisle One
Fruits and veggies by the ton
Hey, check it out, radicchio!
These red leaves, man, they almost glow
And-- bok choy! I've always wanted to try it
I wonder if I have enough to buy it
It's grown in Japan, or maybe China
Or maybe some farm in South Carolina
Just then, I hear a voice in my head
'Stay focused, man! Tuna and bread!'
But right now, I'm in Produce Bliss
Whooooooo, I'm too high for this

Too high for the supermarket
Too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket
Ain't gonna shop like this no more
Too high for the supermarket
Too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket
Ain't gonna shop like this no more

(Everyone here... is staring at me)

Sixteen different brands of tuna
Chicken Of The Sea or Big Kahuna
Packed in oil, packed in water
Dolphin-friendly, dolphin slaughter
And, oh God, what about the bread?
Should I get white or wheat instead?
Or-- rye! Rye's the best I've tasted
Rye is best whenever you're wasted

Too high for the supermarket
Too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket
Ain't gonna shop like this no more
Too high for the supermarket
Too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket
Ain't gonna shop like this no more

Finally done, it's check-out time
Searching for the shortest line
The express lane, but they don't take checks
And you gotta have ten items or less
So let's see... Ding Dongs, a bag of chips
Cap'n Crunch and some onion dip
It's sugar, it's salt, space and schism
The yin-yang of Munchie Taoism
I got my favorite beer -- KARLINGER!
And pre-sweet Kool-Aid you eat with your finger
You lick your finger, then you stick it in the bag
Then you stick it down your throat, but not too far or you'll gag
That's less than ten, check me out, go ahead!
... Oh, I forgot the tuna and the bread

Too high for the supermarket
Too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket
Ain't gonna shop like this no more
Too high for the supermarket
Too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket
Ain't gonna shop like this no more

Too high, too high, too high, too high
Way too high for the supermarket, yeah

-- The Uninvited
"Too High For The Supermarket"
Uninvited (1998)

Ok, Now I Feel Elderly

Got a message on my MySpace page from a lady I haven't heard from in well over a decade. See, this girl was one of the old Smithson Valley honors classmates (seemed to have the same number of people in practically every class, and she was one of them). She's living around Houston, has a bf, and seems to be doing well enough for herself.

And well, the sudden wash of nostalgia is making me feel old.

Meanwhile, I'm in the middle of planning a full campaign on the Fleet Theater to make up for the summer the Kitty insists on spending every year. SNAKES ON A PLANE, y'all!

So, Stacie C., this Sam Jackson's for you!