Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 21 December 2K9

(Guitarist Dave Carroll of the Canadian country band Sons of Maxwell had the misfortune of flying down to Omaha this summer only to find his custom guitar broken when he arrived. His protest video over the runaround he experienced from United Airlines went viral, and the Brownian motion of the internets soon brought this song over to me. I've had the good fortune of not having any luggage of mine damaged, but American did lose one of my bags on two seperate trips home from Japan. The irony of this situation is United ranks right in the middle of US carriers with baggage damage claims, but the runaround was too much. This song is proof like no other that it is unwise to annoy creative types.)

I flew United Airlines on my way to Nebraska
The plane departed Halifax, connecting in Chicago's O'Hare
While on the ground, the passenger said from the seat behind me
"My God, they're throwing guitars out there!"

The band and I exchanged a look best described as "terror"
At the action on the tarmac, and knowing whose projectiles these would be
So before I left Chicago, I alerted three employees
Who showed complete indifference towards me

United (united)
You broke my Taylor guitar
United (united)
Some big help you are
You broke it, you should fix it
You're liable, just admit it
I should've flown with someone else or gone by car
'Cause United breaks guitars

When we landed in Nebraska, I confirmed what I'd suspected
My Taylor had been the victim of a vicious act of malice at O'Hare
And so began a year-long saga of pass the buck, "don't ask me"
And "I'm sorry, sir, your claim can go nowhere"

So, to all the airlines people, from New York to New Delhi
Including kind Ms. Irlweg, who says the final word from them is "no"
I've heard all your excuses, and I've chased your wild gooses
And this attitude of yours I say must go

United (united)
You broke my Taylor guitar
United (united)
Some big help you are
You broke it, you should fix it
You're liable, just admit it
I should've flown with someone else or gone by car
'Cause United breaks guitars

Well, I won't say that I'll never fly with you again 'cause maybe
To save the world, I probably would, but that won't likely happen
And if it did, I wouldn't bring my luggage
'Cause you'd just go and break it
Into a thousand pieces, just like you broke my heart
When United breaks guitars

United (united)
You broke my Taylor guitar
United (united)
Some big help you are
You broke it, you should fix it
You're liable, just admit it
I should've flown with someone else or gone by car
'Cause United breaks guitars

Yeah, United breaks guitars

-- Dave Carroll
"United Breaks Guitars"
United Breaks Guitars (2009)

Batten Down The Hatches, For I Have Discovered Facebook

So I broke down and signed up for Facebook about a week or so ago... and I am simply astounded at how many people I know from high school that are on there. More are emailing me almost every day. It's like the ten-year reunion, albeit six years late and we're scattered all over the place as opposed to being in some auditorium. If you're looking to find me on Facebook, I'm not the Minneapolis/St. Paul Jay Ramsperger.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 12 October 2K9

I had a friend, was a big baseball player
Back in high school
He could throw that speedball by you
Make you look like a fool, boy

Saw him the other night at this roadside bar
I was walking in, he was walking out
We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks
But all he kept talking about...

Glory days, well, they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days... glory days...

Well, there's a girl that lives up the block
Back in school, she could turn all the boys' heads
Sometimes on a Friday, I'll stop by and have a few drinks
After she put her kids to bed
Her and her husband Bobby, well, they split up
I guess it's two years gone by now
We just sit around talking about the old times
She says when she feels like crying
She starts laughing, thinking about...

Glory days, yeah, they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days... glory days...

Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight
And I'm going to drink till I get my fill
And I hope when I get old, I don't sit around thinking about it
But I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory of
Well, time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister
But boring stories of...

Glory days, yeah, they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days... glory days...

Glory days, yeah, they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days... glory days...

-- Bruce Springsteen
"Glory Days"
Born in the USA (1984)

Sayonara, Farewell, Amen, Chunky Peanut Butter
(and yes, I really did use that as the title for an email)

'Cause there's no time for fussing or fighting, my friend
But baby, I'm amazed at the hate that you can send
And you... painted my entire world
But I... don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled
And I won't forget it
-- Bad Religion, "You"

There's damned few phrases that are more exciting and terrifying than "Last email from the George Washington". I'll freely admit that my time on board Kitty Hawk drastically colored my view of 7th Fleet. The only time GW got the lockdown while I was there was for Fast Cruise, our dress rehearsal for underway we do coming out of every yard period. And after the hell of packing up two gym lockers full of stuff, as four years is far too long to homestead on ships, I was ready for a restful flight home.

As most of the 8 people in the world who read this know, things hardly ever go that smooth for me. First leg: Tokyo to LA. 9 and a half hours, with a little girl about 18 months old and five rows ahead of me, crying loud enough to be heard by most everybody in the cabin approximately every half-hour. We get off, make it through customs ok in time for the second leg: LA to Dallas. Flight's delayed about a half hour, ok, difficult but not impossible to make the connection, provided the flight leaves at the new time. At about 1:40 PM -- five minutes after the original departure time, kiddies -- they finally let people off the plane as it was being hoteled to us from another flight. Which means they have to spend time cleaning it and getting it ready for us.

You ever see those memetic pictures of the poorly drawn guy going "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--"? That was me right then because I was guaranteed to miss my connecting flight over this stupid shit. At length, I get put on a new connecting flight to San Antonio and arrive about 2 hours after the original arrival time.

Next hellacious experience: buying a car.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 03 March 2K9

Yeah, I get it, you're an outcast
Always under attack, always coming in last
Bringing up the past, nobody owes you anything
I think you need a shotgun blast, a kick in the ass
So paranoid, watch your back!

Oh my, here we go
Another loose cannon gone bipolar
Slipped down, couldn't get much lower
Quicksand's got no sense of humor
I'm still laughing like hell

You think that by crying to me
Looking so sorry that I'm gonna believe
You've been infected by a social disease
Well then, take your medicine!

I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
Somehow I'm still here to explain
That the darkest hour never comes in the night
You can sleep with a gun
When you gonna wake up and fight... for yourself?

I'm so sick of this tombstone mentality
If there's an afterlife, then it'll set you free
But I'm not gonna part the seas
You're a self-fulfilling prophecy

You think that by crying to me
Looking so sorry that I'm gonna believe
You've been infected by a social disease
Well then, take your medicine!

I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
Somehow I'm still here to explain
That the darkest hour never comes in the night
You can sleep with a gun
When you gonna wake up and fight... for yourself?

-- Shinedown
"Sound of Madness"
The Sound of Madness (2008)

My God, You Mean To Tell Me I've Not Touched This Thing In Almost A Year?!

Word life, update like a motherfucker!

So, what all has happened in my crazed life that warrants such a long hiatus, even longer than Rob T's apparent retirement?

The last voyage of the Kitty Hawk, for starters. I crossed Hawaii off my Places To Visit Before I Die List, and my mom fell in love with San Diego when my folks came up to see me. (What the hell, so did I.) And then there was Bremerton. If Sir Mix-A-Lot is writing a song about how remarkably unattractive and unintelligent a large portion of the the female population of your city is... you've got some problems.

Back in Japan for a while onboard the George Washington, helping them see what life is like out here, and no, the ship has not been on lockdown once yet.

Also, in the shock result of the year given how skewed the test was against what I've been spending the past three years doing, I made Petty Officer First Class. Which in turn catches me right up to Chris Gates, assuming he hasn't already made Master/First Sergeant.

Been getting into raiding with my tankadin on World of Warcraft, did Karazhan prior to the release of Wrath of the Lich King and recently went into Naxxramas.

IN MEMORIAM: Kenneth William Solomon, aka my last surviving grandpa, called back to the celestial home after nearly a century of devoted service. Jon Stewart may have a point about people that make the world a better place needing to stop dying, but you have clearly earned your rest.

Finally, Blog Nation, I'll be shaving my head. No, I haven't joined a cult, or even Chris's MafiaWars group he's hollering about me joining, but I'll be helping out kids with cancer. So by all means, check out the site and put some money on my melon.

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, Part the Second: January 2K9

Grandpa, tell me about the good old days
Sometimes it feels like... this world's gone crazy
Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong didn't seem so hazy

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept?
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Ohhh, Grandpa, tell me about the good old days

Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
And paint me a picture of long ago

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept?
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Ohhh, Grandpa, tell me about the good old days

-- The Judds
"Grandpa (Tell Me About The Good Old Days)"

Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, Part the First: December 2K8

It's only when your poison spins
Into the life you'd hoped to live
And suddenly you wake up in a shaken panic (now!)
You'd set me up like a lamb to slaughter
Garbo as the farmer's daughter
Unbelieveable; the gospel according to who?
I lay right down

All your sad and lost apostles
Hum my name and flare their nostrils
Choking on the bones you toss to them
I'm not one to sit and spin
'Cause living well's the best revenge
Baby, I am calling you on that

Don't turn your talking points on me
History will set me free
The future is ours and you don't even rate a footnote (now!)
So who's chasing you? Where did you go?
You disappear midsentence in a judgement crisis
I see my in and go for it, you weakened shill

All your sad and lost apostles
Hum my name and flare their nostrils
Choking on the bones you toss to them
I'm not one to sit and spin
'Cause living well's the best revenge
Baby, I am calling you on that

You savor your dying breath
I forgive but I don't forget
You work it out, let's hear that argument again
Camera Three, go, now!

All your sad and lost apostles
Hum my name and flare their nostrils
Choking on the bones you toss to them
I'm not one to sit and spin
'Cause living well's the best revenge
Baby, I am calling you on that
Baby, I am calling you on that
Baby, I am calling you on that...

-- R.E.M.
"Living Well is the Best Revenge"
Accelerate (2008)