Song of the Indeterminate Time Period, 06 May 2K10

You've read the Harry Potter books, you think you know them through
But there's something that you may not know and here's a little clue
The female of the trio has her birthday on
Talk Like A Pirate Day
So heads up, Harry and Ron!

When she found out, her eyes she rolled, she went on knitting socks
But Harry said, "I've got the gold, let's head down for the docks"
They traded lots of Galleons for a lovely brigantine
And now they're her young stallions, and she's a pirate queen

Come here, you lads and lasses, I tell you, she's the one
Give a cheer and raise your glasses, but not 'til class is done
Though she's only seventeen, she's smarter than Dumbledore
Hermione Granger the Pirate Queen, the Pride of Gryffindor!

Her white shirt and black leather, they complement her eyes
Her red sash brings it together, and those boots half up her thighs
Captain Hook's a fan, and Jack Sparrow thinks it's great
It's in the books, it's canon! (*boom*)
So let's all celebrate!

Hoist the mains'l, wind the capstan, give it all you've got
The Fire Whiskey and the captain both are really hot
Here's a happy birthday to the girl that we adore
Hermione Granger the Pirate Queen, the Pride of Gryffindor!

She taxidermied Pettigrew, and on the bridge he sat
Cause after all, what pirate ship doesn't have a rat?
She Incarcerus'd young Malfoy, so he could not escape
And one Petrificus later, she made him walk the Snape

Dolohov she'll finish off, and Bellatrix she'll foil
Lucius'll land in Azkaban, and likewise, Crabbe and Goyle
She laughs at danger, thinks it's keen; bring on Voldemort!
Hermione Granger the Pirate Queen, the Pride of Gryffindor!

Now here's the part we talk about with whom she's lockin' lips
Cause after all, a pirate queen has got to have her 'ships
Some say that Harry's her true love, or Ron she will betroth
She finally cried, "I can't decide; I'll have to have them both!"

Who's the sassy bossy witch that all the boys pursue?
Grander than the Golden Snitch, and more elusive too
One may seek her, one may keep her, both know how to score
With Hermione Granger the Pirate Queen, the Pride of Gryffindor!

And so the Seven Seas she sails in deadly hot pursuit
Of getting perfect OWLs and acing every NEWT
Some think she's just a bookworm, but I am here to say
She's got this pirate thing down cold every naval day!

Come here, you lads and lasses, I tell you, she's the one
Give a cheer and raise your glasses, but not 'til class is done
She'll go down in history, the one we're singing for
Hermione Granger the Pirate Queen, the Pride of Gryffindor!

-- Tom Smith
"Hey, It's Can(n)on"
iTom 1.0: And So It Begins (2006)